


Better Man

by Mary_Ellen_G



Series: The Choice [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, I promised I'd post a sequel to The Choice, It involves Hux instead of our lovely Knight., It's actually a prequel, Oops., This is not a sequel., also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:37:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_Ellen_G/pseuds/Mary_Ellen_G
Summary: Slow burn. Sex and feelings. Workplace relationships, hero worship, among other things. Some portions of shameless smut. Enjoy.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I'm sorry. I know that I promised a sequel to the Choice, and it's coming. I just... I had to get this one out first, and it needed time and care. I'm really happy with it, and it's written in its entirety so I only have to edit as I post. I promise updates will be swift, and I'm already back in the saddle of writing our lovely sequel.
> 
> Enjoy!

Your heart aches as you make your way off the transporter and onto the bridge of the Finalizer.

It’s your first day on the job, and you’ve just said goodbye to your younger sister and your parents. You weren’t even supposed to be here for another week, but you don’t mind the sudden shift- you are, after all, at war, and war waits for no one.

The First Order is strict, but they pay well and they offer direction- you’ve always longed for something a little deeper than staying on your parents’ farm, and knowing that you’re working _for_ something fills you with a feeling of pride. When the local station you worked at requested you be transferred to bigger and better things in the Order, you were more proud than you though possible.

You’re greeted by a Lieutenant who calls himself Mitaka, and you shake his hand. You’re the same rank, and you’re glad that you’ve at least got the name of someone you’ll probably be seeing around.

“You’re assigned to be General Hux’s assistant- a prestigious position for a Lieutenant, but one that will come with a great deal of, well, _difficulty._ ”

You don’t miss the allusion in his voice, but you aren’t worried. You’ve got loads of practice working with difficult people. You keep step with his long strides as he starts to show you around the ship.

“I’ll show you to your quarters- since you’re his assistant, you do get a few perks: you get a quarters all to yourself- ‘fresher and all, because he wants your room next to his. Keep in mind that means it’ll be easy for him to barge in.”

“Still more private than living with a roommate, though I must say a roommate might not be bad- I’m nervous about not knowing anyone on the ship.”

Mitaka grins at you and gestures to himself.

“You know me, now! Plus, I promise it isn’t hard to get to know people. You should eat with the other bridge Lieutenants in the canteen- I’ll send you a datapad message with the times!”

You thank him profusely, glad that you’re striking up friendships. You’ve always been a little shy, and you’re nervous about your first day of work. You didn’t pick this assignment because of what it entails; you mostly just begged for an excuse to get off your planet and out of your parents’ house. You’re nearly twenty-five, and you want to be away.

You’re just worried that you’ll be judged because you’re an outsider. Working for the General _is_ a prestigious position, and while you’re highly qualified and driven for the job… you worked for it, make no mistake; you just don’t know that everyone on board will recognize that.

When Mitaka gets to your quarters, you try the scanner to make sure it recognizes you; it does, and you set your bags down before Mitaka takes you to the canteen. You both walk out the door when you nearly run directly into the General.

You and Mitaka both salute, and he nods to you.

“As you were, Lieutenants. You must be my new assistant.”

You nod. “Yes, sir.”

He holds his hand out to shake, and you take it tentatively. His handshake is firm, and the intensity with which he scrutinizes you makes you oddly nervous. His eyes are piercing, and you can’t help but find him attractive.

He’s tall, much taller than you, and he holds himself with great stature. His posture is impeccable, and his expression seems coolly calculated; as if he’s practiced it before. He regards you with interest, and the idea of him being interested in you sends a thrill through you.

“You’ll report to the bridge with Lieutenant Mitaka when he is done conducting your tour. I’ve got some instructions for you that are best done by me.”

“Yes sir.”

With that, he’s off, strutting down the hallway with power and purpose. It’s your first actual meeting, and your heart is racing in your ears. Your eyes linger on him as he disappears down the hallway, and you jump when Mitaka takes your arm.

You talk as he guides you to the canteen, the medbay, and then finally the bridge. You’re nervous- the station you worked at back home was pretty casual, and the highest rank there was a Colonel; you don’t have much experience working with generals, and the nerves are starting to get to you. Mitaka takes notice, and sets a gentle hand on your arm.

“Hey, don’t be nervous. The General can be harsh, but he isn’t cruel. It’s Ren you need to watch for, and you probably won’t have many dealings with him. Don’t stress.”

You take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re highly qualified, intelligent, and driven. You’re going to kick this job’s _ass._

With that, you make your way onto the bridge with Mitaka. He takes his seat, and you walk up to the General. He doesn’t acknowledge you, but a Trooper hands you a datapad, salutes, and walks off. You aren’t yet used to people saluting you- you forget sometimes that you’re an officer and that you hold rank.

“Come, Lieutenant,” Hux says, and you follow eagerly, familiarizing yourself with the datapad as your heels keep a steady clip behind Hux. You’ve got your game face on now.

You follow him to his office, where he gestures for you to sit in front of him. There’s a second desk in the spacious office, facing his, that you assume to be yours. You open up a program to take notes, and start taking notes on what he tells you.

He gives you rapidfire instructions about your duties- you’re to wake when he wakes and sleep when he sleeps, and you’re to be his “right hand man”. You’ll help him with his duties, whatever that may entail, and you’ll do what is essentially the stuff he doesn’t want to do.

He gives you a small speech about how important your job is and how you’ll be on the fast track to promotions that others work much longer for. You’re excited for the job, and when he gives you your first stack of paperwork and points you to the other desk you aren’t even a little disappointed.

At your former station, you still just did paperwork, but this feels a little more important. It might be that the General himself is sitting right in front of you, but you get your work done quickly and efficiently.

The General seems impressed by you, and he dismisses you for the day early.

“It won’t always be like this, so don’t get complacent,” he cautions, after complimenting your performance. “However, your first day has been impeccable- you deserve time to get acclimated further.”

You thank him and bow before you exit the room, exhaling a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding. You’re hungry and wound tightly like a coiled spring- you hope Mitaka hasn’t eaten already, and that he can also point out somewhere for you to work out.

You send him a message on your new datapad, and he responds almost immediately.

_Haven’t eaten yet! We are on our way now. You remember the way?_

You aren’t sure who “we” is, but you’re confident that you remember the way and that you can make friends with whoever Mitaka brings.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ya'll! I'm working steadily through a mountain of homework, but it's all coming along! I hope you like this chapter!

_You send him a message on your new datapad, and he responds almost immediately._

_Haven’t eaten yet! We are on our way now. You remember the way?_

_You aren’t sure who “we” is, but you’re confident that you remember the way and that you can make friends with whoever Mitaka brings._

* * *

You might have spoken too soon.

Kyle and Zhaff are nice- a little too “bro” for your taste, but you aren’t here to be picky about friends, and they’re friendly. Zhaff is the first one to try to hit on you, but you handle it good-naturedly. You don’t mind it, as long as he knows you aren’t exactly looking for a boyfriend.

Jade Barry and Senesha Bashenal are also really sweet, and you click with Jade on a level that almost reminds you of your sister. It sends a little pang through your heart, but you focus on the bright side of things and continue joking with Jade. She really is funny.

It’s Alluria Kroan that you don’t think you can make friends with. She’s gorgeous, and rude, and she reminds you of every girl at the academy who tried to use their cleavage to hit graduation sooner than anyone else. It never worked, but you remembered how it used to make your grit your teeth at the absurdity of it all. You have no respect for women who use their bodies to try and get promotions- it’s deplorable.

She also makes a sly dig at you, when Jade asks where you’re from.

“Oh, I’m from Lothal. I returned there after graduation from the academy and worked out of the local base there.”

Alluria snickers. “Really, a rebel planet? Can’t have been much to do _there._ ”

You don’t bite. She’ll have to do a lot more to earn your wrath, so instead you calmly explain that Lothal is actually a pretty important front to hold- General Organa of the Resistance has strong ties on the planet, and it was important that you and your fellow officers (and inferiors) held the base.

She doesn’t seem subdued by that, but you don’t care. Mitaka is regaling you with some tale about the planet he’s from, and he’s got you in stitches laughing.

The dinner is enjoyable, but you cut it short earlier than you want to, and ask Mitaka to point you in the direction of a gym where you can blow off steam. He tells you how to get there, and you make a mental note of his directions before returning to your quarters.

You’ve got your uniform workout clothes, and you relish in the feeling of getting ready to kick some ass. You make your way to the gym, where there are a few people working out. It’s an odd time to work out, so you didn’t expect much- most of the officers should be still working or eating.

You start with cardio, running for as long as it takes to get your jitters out. It’s been an interesting day, and you still haven’t really processed the fact that you had to leave your family a week early on short notice.

You also haven’t processed your feelings about Hux yet, and you’re not sure you want to. He’s a confusing entity, and you aren’t sure that trying to figure your emotions about that out will actually be beneficial.

You move to the punching bag after that, wrapping your knuckles tight and getting ready to let out as much frustration as you can. You’re angry about a great deal, but you know better than to show it. It’s part of the reason you’ve been so professionally successful- you have a great deal of control over your emotions.

You’re angry about Alluria. You had expected some resistance from those who have been stationed here longer- people are always resistant to those who are better than them, but you’re still frustrated by it. She has no business being critical of you, especially when you’ll hopefully soon outrank her anyway.

You have to work to remind yourself that you’re going to be spending your days with the General. It’s going to be hard, but he even said you’d be on the fast track to promotion. You hard work is paying off, and no bitch from bridge communications is going to make you insecure.

You fight the bag until your exhaustion kicks in and you remember that you’ve been awake for longer than 24 hours- you didn’t sleep on the shuttle to the Finalizer; you were far too excited.

You leave the gym, walking through metallic hallways and enjoying the power that the Finalizer exudes. It’s a beautiful ship, and you’re proud to be working for the commanding General of it.

Speak of the devil- he’s walking toward the door to his quarters from the opposite direction as you approach yours. You stop and salute him, and he acknowledges you.

“I assumed you’d rest immediately, though I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d work out on your free time. You’re very dedicated, Lieutenant Y/L/N. It’s part of the reason you were chosen for this position. I trust you find our training facilities to your standards?”

You nod, smiling. “Of course, sir.”

He nods sharply.

“Sleep well, Lieutenant. I’ll send for you in the morning when I’m up and about.”

You say goodnight and make your way into your quarters, where you’ve still got to unpack. It’s nearly 2200, and you sigh. You can’t live in disorder, so you set about organizing your belongings quickly. You don’t own much- mostly uniforms and a few mementos, so you don’t have trouble getting settled.

It’s still 0100 before you’re in bed, though, because you can’t stop fidgeting. You’ve showered and cleaned and paced, and you’re still too restless to sleep.

It’s going to be a rough day tomorrow.

* * *

The General sends for you at 0600, and it hurts your soul to have to rise so early but you sort of signed up for it, so you slide out of bed nimbly and dress despite your exhaustion.

You look impeccable when you arrive on the bridge, and you aren’t surprised to see that the third shift crew is still in place. It’s dismaying to know that you’re working so many hours, but you remind yourself how fortunate you are to be in this position.

It’s not an accident that you remind yourself of Allura, either. You think of her smug face as you’re striding to keep up with Hux, your neat heels clicking patiently on the shining floor.

He’s a busy man, and he barks orders like he was born for it. You wonder momentarily what his life has been like- surely, he really _was_ born for this.

You don’t bother to run down that thought- instead, you continue to diligently take notes on his orders. You submit orders through the official system, and you type reminders of orders he delivers. You send the reminders to those he barks the orders at- it’s hard to keep up with names at first, but there’s a handy seating chart on the datapad so you figure it out as you go along.

You’re exhausted by 1200- General Hux is a madman. Your legs already hurt from striding behind him, but you keep your head held high despite the pain.

“Lieutenant,” he barks, as you follow him into his office. “Compile the reports from the Trooper captains- the information should have been sent to you. I want a full briefing sent to me before you leave this evening.”

“Yes, sir.”

He reminds you of a few other things that you complete first, before diving into the work. It’s long- each report is between 100-200 pages, and you’ve got at least 5 of them from various Captains. You’ve got to summarize each one and draw conclusions from them, and it’s going to be a long ride. You’re lucky you’re a quick reader.

You work straight through dinner alongside- or, in front of- General Hux, not realizing how much time has gone by until he gently sets a cup of caf down on the desk next to you. It startles you, and you jerk your head up.

“You’ve been working diligently. Good job. I sent for caf- I didn’t know how you took yours.”

He gestures to the cream and sugar next to the cup, and your mouth waters at the sight.

“Thank you, sir,” you say, meaning it. You glance at the time, suppressing a groan at the time. It’s 2000, and you’re thankfully almost done.

“I’m almost finished.”

He seems surprised, and you can’t help but wonder if he was testing your limits. 1000 words and a detailed briefing of it all is a daunting task, and you’re proud that you’ve impressed the General again. You can only hope that your work is up to standards, as you mix cream and sugar into your caf and dive back in.

You finish before 2100, and you send the detailed report to the General. He looks up as he receives it.

“You’re dismissed then, Lieutenant.”

You aren’t surprised that he doesn’t offer thanks, but it does sting a little bit. You’ve worked incredibly hard on one project for the last 9 hours, and you can’t help it when your stomach rumbles. You don’t feel like going to the canteen, though, so you decide to check the small kitchen in your quarters for food.

When you arrive in your humble quarters, though, you can’t help but heed the call of your bed. It’s too warm, and too inviting, and you slip out of your uniform and into bed. There’s no use eating when you’re this tired- and you know the cycle will repeat tomorrow.


	3. Chapter Three

_When you arrive in your humble quarters, though, you can’t help but heed the call of your bed. It’s too warm, and too inviting, and you slip out of your uniform and into bed. There’s no use eating when you’re this tired- and you know the cycle will repeat tomorrow._

* * *

 

You lose weight.

You don’t go without eating every day- you’ve gotten wise enough to have purchased some snacks for your room at commissary, and General Hux doesn’t mind if you eat while you work.

Some of the lost weight might be assigned to your stress- the job is much more stressful than you realized. The General is a demanding man, and while you love the challenge it does take a toll on you.

Kylo Ren also has an effect on his moods, and he tends to take out his interactions with the Knight of Ren on his inferiors- the closest of which is usually you.

You still don’t mind, though. He seems to have a soft spot for you, and he orders caf brought in for you every time you have to work late. It’s a simple gesture, but a meaningful one, especially since he’s learned how you like your caf and it comes perfect every time.

There are perks to working for a complicated and confusing General.

You have days where you’ve got time for dinner and lunch with some of the other Lieutenants, and you’re growing closer and closer with Mitaka and Jade. They’re both kind and funny, which are rarities on such a ship, and you cherish the time you spend with them.

You like the challenge they present to your wit- they keep your intellect sharp, and it’s something you take pride in. You like to feel smart, and you relish in making witty barbs. Mitaka and Jade are the perfect people to share humor with, and you feel more at home than you thought possible away from your sister and parents.

You’ve also discovered that Jade, despite just being an operations tech for the bridge, has incredible combat skills. Her father was apparently a combat commander for the Empire, and he taught her incredible hand-to-hand skills.

You’ve taken to sparring with her, which has left you bruised and exhausted and thinner, but much more fulfilled. You both complain about your days while sparring- her about the annoying men in her male-dominated field, and you complaining about your lack of sleep and how hard it is to not stare at the General.

“I just-“ you start, dodging out of the way of one of Jade’s fists. “I have such an _admiration_ for him, you know?”

You attempt a roundhouse kick, but Jade dodges easily and catches your foot, planting her fist in your stomach. You grunt, rolling back and to your feet again.

“I can’t believe you worship him so much. He’s so mean!”

She punches hard left, and you feint and counterattack, catching her hard in the shoulder. She barely even reacts.

“He’s not! I mean, he kind of is, but I’m so into it. He’s everything that the First Order represents to me, you know? He’s strong, and commanding, and I’m proud that I can work for him.”

You don’t miss the eyeroll Jade throws at you as she bounces away from a kick.

“Well, he totally did check out your ass for a solid ten minutes today when you were discussing something with Captain Phasma.”

You’re startled enough that you freeze, and her fist connects hard on your left eye and browbone. It drops you to the ground, and you grunt as you grab your eye with both hands.

“Fuck!”

“Oh shit! You’ve never let me hit your face before!” she laughs. “General Hux must really send you into a tizzy!”

You’d glare if you could open your left eye, but you can’t. It’s already swollen shut, and you can feel blood leaking from your browbone.

“I’m going to look like a moron now, Jade.”

She takes your arm and starts to guide you to the medbay.

“Well, just look at it this way! You looked like a moron thirsting after Hux before, and now the outside matches the inside!”

You trip her, and she falls flat on her face. You keep going, holding your hands to your bleeding browbone.

She gets up and begins to run after you when you nearly run into the General.

“General!” you say, in surprise, stopping to salute him and dropping your hand away from your eye.

His eyes widen, and he reaches up to gently touch the area above your eye.

“Lieutenant…? What in the world happened to your face?”

Jade catches up, her mouth dropping open when she sees the general. She salutes, and then admits fault.

“That was me, General, sir. We were sparring and I got a cheap shot in when Lieutenant Y/L/N was distracted.”

He levels a glare at her, and you can’t help the shiver that runs down your spine.

“Well, perhaps sparring should be best left to when Lieutenant Y/L/N isn’t _distracted._ Lieutenant, proceed to the medbay at once.”

You nod, scurrying away as he dismisses you both.

You wait until you’re out of earshot before mentioning, “He looked like he wanted to kill you, Jade. Now I know what you mean by mean….”

She laughs. “Oh, that’s nothing. He was probably just annoyed that one of his employees looked so silly. He’s only really bad when you actually screw something important up.”

You shake your head as you walk through the medbay doors and into the bright white room.

“I’d hate to see that.”

 

* * *

 

 

When you return to work the next day, the swelling has gone down quite a bit, and you put makeup on to cover the bruise. You wear makeup every day, so you hope that you don’t look different enough to draw attention.

The General looks at you with scrutiny, and you blush when he gently touches his gloved fingertips to your browbone in the morning when you enter the office, sitting at your desk.

“I regret that you’re injured,” he says, stiffly formal.

You chuckle anyway, knowing that he means well.

“It’s not the first injury I’ve gotten from a fight. It’s more of a reminder to not be so distracted, even in sparring.”

“You’re not a person that I associate with distraction,” he observes. “I have yet to see you be distracted at work.”

You shake your head. “Work is different. Work is work, and it’s sort of mindlessly easy to focus when doing it. It’s the rest of the time I have to worry about- I often use sparring as a time to sort out my feelings, and it obviously isn’t always a good time.”

The General chuckles. “I suppose sparring isn’t the best time to let your mind wander. Might I ask what distracted you?”

You laugh. “You may ask, though I’m afraid I may not answer. It was a rather personal discussion- one I would be entirely embarrassed to recount here.”

The General gets a predatory look in his eyes.

“Well, you’ve piqued my curiosity, Y/N.”

Your heart skips a beat when he calls you by your first name- you weren’t even aware that he knew it, and you don’t know his.

“I want to know what it was you were talking about.”

He towers over you when you stand, but when you’re sitting he’s incredibly intimidating. You can feel the blush rising in your face, and you have to work to meet his eyes.

“Nothing of consequence, sir. Workplace relationships,” you say. You mean for it to come out strong, but it really sounds like a breathless murmur. You can’t take your eyes away from his, now, and he reaches up to gently touch your face again.

“Oh? And might I have reason to suspect you of engaging in a relationship with a coworker? That’s a severely punishable offense, you know.”

It takes you a minute to realize he’s making fun of you, and the realization nearly stops your heart.

“No, Sir,” you say, and he leans down to press a swift kiss to your lips.

You think it’s a trap, at first, and your eyes are open wide in shock. You don’t have time to reciprocate before he pulls away, and you’re left staring at him in shock.

“Sir, I can’t- I don’t want- I can’t lose my job,” you stutter out, tears welling in your eyes. You’re confused and exhausted and the bruise on your face is making your head hurt (or it could be your confusion).

“Lieutenant, I would not give up the best employee I’ve ever had because I initiated something. You will not be penalized for not returning my affections.”

“But-“ you say, before you can stop yourself.

He quirks an eyebrow, and you bury your face in your hands.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe. “I didn’t mean that I didn’t want it- I just- I don’t want to be _that girl_ , you know?”

You can practically feel his confusion.

“Pardon?”

You look up at him and sigh.

“Those girls at the academy that would try and sleep with instructors for bonuses. I’m having enough trouble with Lieutenant-“ you decide in a split second not to say her name and correct yourself. “.. With the other Lieutenants thinking I got here by sleeping around that I don’t want the rumors to actually be true.”

The General perches himself on the edge of your desk.

“ _Did_ you sleep with your superiors to get here?”

You shake your head solemnly. “No, Sir. I got here on work alone.”

He nods. “I know. That’s why I chose you.”

You look up at him, not responding as you watch him and not bothering to debate what exactly he meant by _chose you_. He’s staring intensely at you, and seems entirely unbothered by your stress.

He swoops down to press a kiss to your lips once more, and you respond in earnest this time.

He tugs you up to him, pulling you close so you’re in between his legs as he rests on your desk. He’s all fire and passion, and you aren’t surprised at all. He molds you like putty in his hands, and you have to resist the urge to moan. He knows exactly what to do to make you weak in the knees.

His lips pull away only long enough to drift down your next, and you tilt your head back.

“Sir!” you moan, as he unbuttons the top of your uniform shirt and bites at your collarbone.

It’s forbidden and passionate, and you wonder for a moment if he’s going to fuck you. You’re naturally shy- you’re too nervous to initiate anything, so your hands don’t’ wander from their place pressed against his chest, but you respond in earnest as he has his way with you.

“I want you,” he says, darkly. “I want you to be mine. I want to control you, and I want to own you. _You’re mine,_ ” he finally growls, and you can feel the growing wetness between your legs as he bites at your neck.

“Yes,” you say. “Please, sir.”

He chuckles in your ear.

“ _Beg me_.”

Your legs are shaking, and he turns so you’re seated on your desk, straddling his hips.

“Please, sir! Please fuck me,” you say, the words coming naturally but sounding foreign to your ears. You realize you’re embarrassed, and Hux does as well.

“Don’t be frightened,” he whispers in your ear. “I won’t hurt you. Say ‘red’ if you want me to stop, and ‘yellow’ if you want me to slow down. I want to make you feel good.”

The words send a thrill through you, and you can’t help the feverish gasps you let out as he unbuttons your shirt the rest of the way, sliding his lips down your chest as he works on your skirt.

“Please, General,” you beg, shaking with fear and thrill.

He strips you, worshipping your body as he goes. He reaches behind you before pulling your skirt down, pushing the papers on your desk to the floor and tossing the datapad to the side. He lifts you, guiding you so you’re on your back with your legs off the table.

He moves his mouth down, pulling your skirt and panties away. Your skin breaks out in goosebumps from the nerves and the chill of the desk and the air- he’s fully clothed, and fully in control, while you’re exposed.

His tongue flicks at your sensitive clit, and you cry out.

“Beg me,” he commands. “Beg me to make you cum.”

“Please,” you cry out, shaking as his fingers ghost across your body. You had no idea it was possible for a man to make you feel like this, and the words barely register as they leave your mouth.

“Please, General. Please make me cum!” you beg, and he watches you before leaning down and tonguing your sensitive clit.

Your words turn to mush in your mouth and your body twists and shakes as he sucks and licks your sensitive clit.

“You’re so wet, Lieutenant… Is this why you work so hard? You want to please your General in _every way_?”

The sound of his voice sends a jolt through you.

“Yes! Yes, sir. I want you- ngh- I want you to be satisfied. I want to impress you!”

He pulls away from your clit as you start to shake, edging you before you can come. You let out a lot whine, and he grips your wrists, pulling them over your head and pressing them down on the desk.

“Hush. Those who complain are not those who get _rewarded_ ,” he purrs in your ear, before undoing his pants and pulling his hard cock free.

You can’t help but gasp. You’re in no way a virgin, and you’ve been with sizeable men before but… your pussy clenches with the thought of him driving into you, and you feel like you’re going to cum just from the thought.

You flinch, unintentionally, and Hux leans forward to press a kiss to your lips.

“I won’t hurt you,” he says, and then he thrusts into you. Your back arches off the desk and you cry out, legs shaking as he fucks you into the table.

“Please!” you say, begging with mostly unintelligible garbling. Your mind is blank, he’s fucking you so completely and totally well. He brushes his fingers over your clit as he fucks into you, and you can feel your orgasm building.

“Please, General! Please let me cum, please,” you beg, over and over, as your muscles tense up.

“Cum for me, _slut_ ,” he hisses, and your orgasm rockets through you at the word. You hate being demeaned- you’ve worked so hard to get where you are but when he devalues you, you can’t help but feel like you’ve _earned it_.

He grunts as your pussy clenches around his cock, and he leans forward to lock his teeth on your nipple.

You let out a surprised cry, and his thrusts become more irregular before he cums, fucking you hard into the table with finality.

When he finishes, he leans over you for a few moments to catch his breath, before he grins at you.

“Well done, Lieutenant.”

 


	4. Chapter Four

_When he finishes, he leans over you for a few moments to catch his breath, before he grins at you._

_“Well done, Lieutenant.”_

* * *

 

You don’t think about the consequences of your actions until you’re in your room at the end of the night, and you collapse on the floor in tears.

You just fucked your boss.

You just fucked your boss on your desk, during work.

You just fucked your boss on your desk, during work, and you let him call you a slut.

_Fuck._

You cry numbly on the floor for what feels like hours, trying to figure out what the fuck to do. You could resign, and go back home to Lothal, and tell your parents that you failed. Or, you could request to be transferred to another department, though you would have to work for Hux during the interim with even more awkwardness.

Your final option is to keep going and see what happens. You can’t kid yourself and pretend that you didn’t completely enjoy being undone on your desk like that, and you’re fairly certain that every time you touch yourself for the rest of your life you’ll hear Hux growling sultry commands in your ear.

You’re wet again at the thought of it, and you’re probably going to go with your pussy.

You stand up, rubbing your hands across your face while being careful of your injured eye and brow, and pulling your hair out of its regulation style. You strip, changing into pajamas, wipe your makeup off and brush your teeth, and you’re about to settle into bed when a knock sounds from your door.

Your heart pounds in your ears as you make your way to the door. You’re insecure about opening the door with a shiner, but you do anyway. General Hux is standing in the doorway, and you stand aside so he can come in.

“We should discuss an arrangement, Lieutenant- you’ve been crying?” he interrupts himself, questioning you as he steps closer, laying a surprisingly gentle hand on your face.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize out of habit. “It’s just been a lot all at once.”

He stares at you for a long moment, not unkindly, and tugs you close to him.

“Don’t apologize.”

The hug is gentle in a way that doesn’t fit with your image of the General, and you’re still trying to puzzle it out when you both make your way to your couch and sit down. You feel intimidated- you’re already intimidated by the General, but when you’re in pajamas with no makeup on you can’t help but feel vulnerable.

“I need to make sure that you’re clear on this arrangement,” he starts, and you nod for him to continue.

“This will not be a romantic relationship- as you know, I am incredibly busy and you are as well. I don’t have time for romantic engagements, and I do not want you to have unduly high expectations.”

You nod. You can’t exactly picture the General as boyfriend material anyway, and a chill runs down your spine.

“However, I will ask that this be an exclusive sexual relationship. By that, I mean that I ask you not sleep with anyone else without notifying me. I will extend you the same courtesy.”

You nod again. It’s a reasonable request.

“I also encourage you to use the utmost discretion- it would not do for word to spread around the base, and word spreads fast here. I merely ask that you obey me, respect me, and let me make you cum in ways you never have.”

Another chill runs up and down your spine, and you can’t help the budding wetness between your legs.

“Yes, sir.”

He smirks at you, and you’re shaken and nervous. You haven’t really stopped to think about if you want this- if this is coerced, you need to get out of here. You won’t work in this situation… but then you start to think.

The way he’s staring at you… you want him.

You can’t deny that you want this, and maybe it’s wrong because he’s your boss or because he’s a cruel, mean man, but the want is still there.

He watches you struggle, and then he seems to get fed up.

He leans forward, and you press instinctively against the back of the couch.

“Tell me you want this,” he says, huskily, and you swallow thickly.

“I want this, sir,” you breathe, and he’s instantly upon you. His lips immediately go to your neck, where your tank top leaves more access than your uniform. He attaches himself to your collarbone, nipping and biting as he moves his hands across your body. He tugs you so you’re lying flat on the couch, his body hovering over you as his lips travel further down.

You’re nervous and already tightly wound, but when he slides your shirt over your head you start to shiver. It’s cold in your room and you’re excited, and he chuckles deeply at your goosebumps.

“Scared, pet?”

“No,” you whimper as he tweaks one of your nipples.

 “Good,” he breathes, and you lift your hips so he can tug your pajama shorts down. You reach out to him, ready to strip him from his uniform, but he stops you. Just like before, he stays clothed as he manipulates your body. His mouth drifts downward, and he locks eyes with you as he licks roughly at your clit.

You cry out and squirm, sensitive to the cold of the air and the rough wetness of his tongue.

“Quiet, pet,” he instructs, returning his mouth to your clit, while he slides two fingers between your folds. You want to make noise, but you cover your mouth.

“Good girl,” he praises, and the words nearly send you over the edge. Your legs shake as you’re about to cum, but he pulls away. You resist the urge to complain as he’s unbuttoning his trousers, but you’re frustrated and desperate.

He flips you so you’re on your knees, face pressed against the pillows on your couch.

He spreads your legs, grinding his cock against your wetness.

“Say please, pet.”

“Please!” you beg, and he slams into you with a rough thrust.

“Good girl,” he says in your ear, before locking his teeth on your neck. You cry out, and he wraps his hands in your hair, pulling taught.

It’s amazing. You’ve never had your hair pulled and the feeling of him fucking into you while he tugs is just _perfect_.

“Please, don’t stop, sir,” you beg, as he slams in and out of you.

He untangles one of his hands from your hair, gripping your hips before sliding underneath and rubbing at your clit. He leans down so he’s covering you, teeth grazing your neck as he whispers, “Come for me, pet.”

He rubs your clit perfectly, dangerously slow but fast enough to send waves through you.

You make vague noises, mouth refusing to make words, as you get closer and closer to your climax.

“General!” you call weakly, as your eyes explode in a barrage of fireworks.

He comes in time with you, thrusting in a stuttered rhythm as he finishes. You collapse, but he tugs you onto his lap. Your body feels weak, like you aren’t made of bones, and your head lolls against his chest.

“Thank you, sir,” you say, breathlessly, and he laughs.

“The pleasure is all mine, Lieutenant.”

He stands then, carrying you to the bed and laying you down on the sheets.

You’re cold without his body, but he returns with a warm cloth and starts to wipe you clean. Your body is sensitive, but he moves gently and efficiently. You shift around when he’s finished, and he pulls your blankets aside so you can climb into the bed. You want him to get in bed with you, and stay, but you know that he wouldn’t and you’re too awkward to even ask.

“Goodnight, pet,” he says, leaning forward and kissing you on the forehead.

You’re asleep before he makes it to the hallway.


	5. Chapter Five

_“Goodnight, pet,” he says, leaning forward and kissing you on the forehead._

_You’re asleep before he makes it to the hallway._

* * *

 

 

The sex you continue to have continues to be amazing. He lavishes you with kisses and touches, and he loves bringing you to the edge before he lets you come. It’s thrilling and amazing, and your performance at work continues to improve. You love pleasing him in all aspects, and the predatory gaze he gives you when you do something that pleases him sends a thrill through you every time.

Your relationships with Jade and Mitaka are a little bit strained with your new hobby- you barely have time when you aren’t with Hux, either working away in your office or fucking him in your quarters. You still haven’t seen Hux naked, he still hasn’t slept with you, and you still haven’t even seen the inside of his quarters. It’s frustrating when you’re a naturally curious person, but you can’t even take it out when sparring with Jade.

There’s no way you’d ever admit to her that you’re fucking your boss.

It does still help to spar though, and you still talk about how hot he is.

“I still don’t get it!” she says, handing you your water bottle as you finish a round of sparring. “The man is incredibly demanding of you- for Gods’ sake, we barely see you anymore! I don’t understand how you could still worship him like you do.”

You shrug, throwing a towel over your sweaty shoulders and beginning to unwrap your knuckles.

“He’s just really hot. I’m attracted to power, and I love watching him command people. There’s just something about someone who can control everything, you know?”

“He can’t control Kylo Ren,” she says, quietly as if the Knight of Ren is anywhere near. You laugh, tilting your head back.

“I suppose that’s true. I still just think he’s attractive and powerful.”

Jade scoffs, and you make your way into the hallway with her. The hallways are nearly empty- it’s late, and you forget that some people actually keep regular hours.

“Have you eaten?” she asks, and you have to think for a minute before shaking your head.

“No, not yet. I went straight from work to the gym.”

“Wait, you worked that late?” Jade asks, raising her eyebrows.

You shrug. “The General is a busy man, and I work when he works.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know how you do it. Wanna grab some food in the canteen?”

You nod, and you make your way to the canteen together. The canteen is almost empty, and when you check the time on the wall it’s nearly 2000 hours.

No wonder you were hungry.

The food doesn’t really sound good, and you attribute it to your exhaustion, so you grab something small and take a seat. Jade raises her eyebrows at your food.

“Really? That’s _it_?”

You roll your eyes. “I’m just really not that hungry. I mean, I felt like I was hungry until we got here. Now nothing sounds good.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Let me teach you the mastery of the canteen.”

She teaches you some wild tricks to making food, and you end up sitting back down with an entirely new, full plate. You’re laughing so hard you’re in stitches, and you don’t even notice Hux entering with two of the other Generals.

“I think I just need to sleep,” you say, taking a bite. “The General has me run ragged, and I’m going to break soon.”

You sigh, and Jade gives you a sympathetic look.

“I can imagine. I’m impressed that you’ve held on so far. When do you even eat?”

You shrug,

“I dunno. I eat during work sometimes, but usually by the end of the day I just want to crawl into bed, you know?”

She nods. “I can’t understand how you do it- or why, for that matter. Why not tell the General you need a break?”

You laugh. The General isn’t overworking you with _work_ exactly, and you definitely don’t want to sacrifice your after-work activities for sleep.

“I enjoy it,” you defend. “I like getting my work done, you know? I like to finish the day knowing that I’ve finished all of my duties and done my part.”

She rolls her eyes. “You sound like you should be on an advert for recruitment.”

You laugh again, and she kicks you under the table. “It’s true!”

“I just like my job, you know? I mean, even if my boss _wasn’t_ General Hux, I’d probably still like it.”

She giggles. “Will you ever shut up about how great he is?”

You shake your head. “Never. Well, maybe if he ever stops being an amazing boss and amazing leader in the First Order, I might. But, since that won’t happen…”

You both laugh as she teases you for your hero- worship, but it doesn’t bother you.

You tease each other until you finally finish, and when you stand and turn to push your chair in you realize Hux is at a table just behind you. Your face heats up- he _and_ the other Generals must have been able to hear what you said.

You nod to him, embarrassed but trying not to show it as you and Jade nearly run out of the room.

“You knew he was sitting behind me!” you accuse, as soon as the canteen doors close behind you.

She won’t stop laughing, and your face is bright red.

“Jade! I’m so embarrassed! I’m not going to be able to _look_ at him at work tomorrow!”

She won’t stop giggling, until Alluria walks up to you both.

“Lieutenants,” she says, something of a sneer on her face. She’s not openly unfriendly, but you can tell that she wishes you weren’t standing there.

“Lieutenant Kroan,” you say, good-naturedly. “How are you today?”

She ignores the question, and you don’t have the will to be upset. Something must have set her off more than usual today.

“You know, Lieutenant, you should control your puppy-dog fascination with the General. Lieutenant Barry might find it funny and _cute_ but the rest of the bridge finds it disgusting.”

You stare at her in shock for a moment, before she walks through the canteen doors.

“Y/N…” Jade starts, but you shake your head.

“It’s okay. She’s just being a bitch because she’s jealous. I’m headed to bed, Jade. I’ll see you around.”

You don’t bother to continue small talk, turning instead on your heel and walking quickly to the door to your quarters. You set the lock, which is something you don’t normally do in the evening; General Hux won’t be pleased when he tries to come in, but you can’t find the will to care. You wash up and change quickly, shutting the lights down and willing yourself to fall asleep quickly.

You don’t want to deal with General Hux right now.


	6. Chapter Six

_You don’t want to deal with General Hux right now._

 

* * *

 

You aren’t so lucky. You’re awake when General Hux knocks and moves to open the door, and you can practically feel his confusion when the door doesn’t open. You were excited to see him earlier, but your exhaustion is making you moody and you don’t want to have to pretend Alluria’s words didn’t annoy you.

You didn’t want it to be this way, honestly. You’re stronger than this- you’re not some weak slut who gives up on something that makes her happy because of some bitch.

…Yet, here you are.

You know you’re better than this. You shouldn’t have pouted. If you were really that tired, you’d fall asleep. Instead, you’re just causing problems for yourself and ruminating on your unhappiness. You might as well be doing something that makes you happy.

You sigh and get out of bed, walking out into the hallway with a quick check to make sure no one is out there. Then, you knock gently on Hux’s door.

The door opens almost immediately, and he tugs you inside. You stumble, and you look up at him. His face is a carefully composed mask of severity.

“What has gotten into you, pet?”

He circles you, and you cross your arms over yourself protectively. You weren’t expecting him to be so upset.

“First, you gush like a _schoolgirl_ in the canteen with your friend, Lieutenant _Barry_. Then, you blush like a child when you see me… only to lock me out of your room in the evening. Now, you come crawling in, half-dressed and insecure….”

You hold your chin up a little higher at that, defiant. How dare he call you insecure!

He smirks at your response.

“Oh, so she does have a little fight in her.”

You glare at him, indignant.

“You have no idea that day that I’ve ha-“

“ _Don’t_ you talk back to me!” he instructs, grabbing your chin in his hand. His grip is firm, not painful, and you can already feel the wetness budding between your legs.

“Yes, sir,” you say, staring at him.

He’s staring at you with a familiar predatory smile, and you can’t stop the shiver that runs down your spine.

“Scared, pet? You’re finally in _my_ quarters, and I suppose the tables must be turned.”

You hadn’t even considered the fact that you weren’t in your own quarters anymore. It’s unfamiliar territory, and you look around as he lets go of your chin and walks from the room. You stay rooted to the floor- he no doubt went to the bedroom, and you aren’t sure that you should follow.

“Come, pet,” he calls, sensing your hesitation, and your feet move as if on their own accord.

His apartment was not dissimilar to yours, but his bedroom is altogether a different world. Your bedroom is neutral, and comfortable, and homey.

The General’s bedroom is dark; gray sheets and a dark grey comforter, and the furniture is black. You shouldn’t be surprised, but you are. There are pillows and blankets in excess, and you can’t help but to want to sleep here, in his arms.

You shake the thought from your head as he grips your wrists, coming from behind you in your shocked daze.

He pushes you onto the bed, face up, and adjusts you so your hands and legs are splayed. Then, he sets to work tying you up.

“Sir…” you start, apprehensive.

“Yes, pet?”

You swallow thickly as he leans back to look at you, your hands tied and your feet free.

“I’m scared,” you whisper, and he smiles.

“Hush, kitten,” he says, kissing your forehead gently. “Do you trust me?”

You’re stunned by the question for a moment, as it’s one you hadn’t considered before.

“Yes, sir,” you say, quietly.

He looks you in the eyes as if to make sure you aren’t lying, and then he presses a searing kiss to your lips.

“I’m going to punish you, pet. You ignored me tonight, and it worried me. Good girls don’t worry their masters.”

The word _master_ sends a jolt through you, and you try to rub your legs together for some kind of friction.

“No,” he commands, spreading your legs. “Keep them there, pet, or you’ll be punished even more severely.”

He reaches over to the nightstand, and comes back with a knife. Your eyes widen, and you consider crying the word red out, but, “Yellow!” slips from your lips instead.

He smiles. “I won’t hurt you. Relax, pet.”

You take a deep breath and focus on relaxing yourself against the pillows as he drags the blunt side of the blade against your neck, and down to the tank top you were preparing to sleep in.

He turns the knife, slicing through the thin cloth in one swift motion, and you flinch away. Your heart is pounding in your ears, but you can’t deny how aroused you are.

You get off on his power on a regular day, but watching him cut you out of your clothes… you can’t even bring yourself to be upset when he slices your favorite pair of panties off, exposing your wet heat to the cold air of his quarters. He’s such a powerful, dangerous man, and the thought of the control he has over you makes you twitch.

You gasp and shiver, and he seems to like the reaction. You flinch away when he goes to drag the knife along your clit, but you don’t say a color so he proceeds.

The metal is frigid on your clit, and the power and danger it holds nearly sends you over the edge. You whimper, unable to take your eyes off the General.

“Sir-“

“Hush, pet,” he says, warning at your whining tone.

You’re trying not to squirm, but the absolute lack of friction on your sensitive clit is ruining your life at the moment.

“You disappointed me, pet. Even disobedience is better than disappointment.”

You bite your lip, and you look anywhere but at him.

“Look at me, pet.”

You look him in the eyes, and you can see the control on his face. He isn’t angry- he’s disappointed, and the thought makes you want to grovel. You know better than to open your mouth, though.

“You will not come tonight,” he says, and your eyes widen at the instruction. He’s always so generous with orgasms, and the idea of being denied…. It makes you want to come even more, and you whimper.

“Hush. You earned this.”

He leans down and presses a kiss to your clit, before standing straight up and delivering a smack to it. You cry out, and he shakes his head.

“Quiet!”

You fight back a whimper, and he smacks your pussy once more.

“You are mine, pet. You are mine to own, and you _will not_ ignore me when you are upset. I am your master, and it is my job to take care of you.”

You nod, biting your lip, and he delivers another hard smack to your clit before climbing onto the bed with you. You keep your legs spread for him, and he idly rubs your pussy with one hand as he drags the other down your neck and to your breasts.

“You are so beautiful… and you are _mine._ ”

You nod, and you need to come but you can’t. His hands are building you up to break you, and you can feel tears leak at the corner of your eyes.

“You are _mine,_ Y/N. You are mine, and I am yours.”

You bite down hard on your lip and close your eyes as his fingers pinch your clit, and your body shakes form the effort of holding off your orgasm.

“I’m going to fuck you, pet. I’m going to fuck you until my name is the only you remember,” he growls, his lips immediately next you your ear. He draws your earlobe into his mouth as he undoes his trousers with one hand, and you’re nearly vibrating from need. You need his cock- you need him to fill you up, and you raise your hips to meet him as he sheaths into you in one swift motion.

You gasp, throwing your head back as he fills you. You will never get used to the _fullness_ of him, and you arch your back up to meet his lips as he starts pounding into you in earnest.

“Yes, pet,” he praises, gripping your hips. You want to grab him by the hair, or grab your breasts, or _touch_ him, but your hands are bound too tightly. You are undone for him, and the tears continue to leak from your eyes as he pounds into you, praising you.

“Fuck, you are so good. You are so gorgeous, and you belong to me,” he growls, his hands tight on your hips as he pounds you aggressively.

You watch his face, panting, as he gets closer and closer. The determination and power on his face sends a wave through you, and you clench your pussy to prevent yourself from coming in earnest. It’s enough to send him over the edge, and his determined thrusts become more and more erratic as he comes, filling your pussy with his cum.

You’re left keening, whining as your sensitive pussy begs for him, but he doesn’t give it to you. He leaves, and you know he’s going to get a washcloth for the mess he’s made. Your hands are still tied, and you can feel the tear streaks on your face, and you want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

“Pet,” he says, gently, coaxing your legs open again so he can clean them. You don’t look at him as he unties you, and you don’t look at him when you sit up.

“I need a shirt,” you whisper, meekly.

“Pardon?”

You gesture to yours, in ribbons on the floor.

“I can’t well walk into the hallway nude, sir.”

There’s silence for a moment before he hands you a shirt, and you slide it over your head. It’s an old one- from his academy days, and you have to stop yourself from imagining him as a cadet.

You stand, comfortable enough with the long length of it to make your way quickly back to your room.

You stand shakily, your pussy still sensitive against the bare air under the oversized shirt. You leave your clothes in ribbons on the floor, and start to walk away from the General.

“Y/N…” he starts, and you don’t turn.

There is a long pause, and you can feel him considering something.

“Goodnight.”

You nod, not able to bring yourself to say the words as you dart into the hallway and into your room.

You’re confused, and unsated, and your body is nearly vibrating from the experience.

He called you _his_ and beautiful and gorgeous, but he didn’t let you come. He said you were in trouble, but he fucked you out of your mind. He didn’t want you to stay the night, but you’re in your own room and wrapped in his old academy shirt.

It’s such a contradiction.

Sometimes you feel on top of the world; you’re having a passionate love affair with perhaps the most important and influential General of the First Order, and he worships your body once or twice a day at the very least. He makes you feel like a submissive goddess, and yet…

…He still won’t even let you sleep with him. You still haven’t seen him naked. Sure, you finally managed to see the inside of his quarters, but that was a product of your own disobedience and not his invitation.

You’re stressed and keyed up, and your body is taught with arousal.

You consider going to the gym to punch it out, but settle for a shower instead- it’s far more discreet.


	7. Chapter Seven

_Sometimes you feel on top of the world; you’re having a passionate love affair with perhaps the most important and influential General of the First Order, and he worships your body once or twice a day at the very least. He makes you feel like a submissive goddess, and yet…_

_…He still won’t even let you sleep with him. You still haven’t seen him naked. Sure, you finally managed to see the inside of his quarters, but that was a product of your own disobedience and not his invitation._

_You’re stressed and keyed up, and your body is taught with arousal._

_You consider going to the gym to punch it out, but settle for a shower instead- it’s far more discreet._

 

* * *

 

When you wake up, Hux still hasn’t sent for you and you panic for a moment before remembering that you have a rare day off; Hux is doing training runs with Phasma’s newest squadron to make sure they’re ready; there was apparently trouble with one of them being insubordinate, and now Hux is personally checking on the troops.

You weren’t required to be involved, so you have nothing planned for the day.

Naturally, you still dress and go into the office. You’ve got a few projects that you can get ahead on, and it will alleviate some of your stress later on. You work efficiently without Hux there to make your mind wander, so you are done with what you wanted to accomplish by 1100.

You sigh, bored already, and send a datapad message to Mitaka and Jade in the event that they’ll have the day off.

Neither of them respond quickly, and you assume it’s because they are working like normal employees, so you go back to your quarters and clean.

You’re done with cleaning by 1130; you never let your quarters get messy in the first place, so it never takes you very long to tidy up. It’s kind of infuriating, honestly.

You still haven’t received a message from Mitaka, but Jade sent a quick message.

_Working through the day- lunch probably too. :( I’ll catch you at dinner- sparring?_

You send back a confirmation, and decide you should go to the gym to prepare.

The gym is relaxing when you know you’ve got all day, and you aren’t even paying attention when Kylo Ren appears behind you.

“Diligent as always, Lieutenant Y/L/N,” he remarks, and you jump before you can deliver another punch to the bag.

“Commander Ren. What can I do for you?”

He is staring at you, and it makes you nervous. His mask is threatening, as all the Knights of Ren are, and you try not to seem too uneasy.

“I was merely curious about the nature of your relationship with the General,” he says, his voice even through the mask.

“He’s my boss, sir- my superior.”

You can feel your heart pounding in your ears, and you hope you don’t show your fear to Ren.

He stares at you for a long moment, before you hear the door open and Hux enters.

“Ren! You were asked to report to the bridge 30 minutes ago. Is there a reason you are, instead, on the other side of the ship harassing my assistant?”

Kylo levels a look at him, and you can’t see his face but you can feel the glare. You shrink away from him, against the bag, and shift your gaze to the General.

He’s holding the Commander’s stare, and there’s a crackling tension in the air before Ren turns and strides from the room, robes billowing behind him.

Your face must be a mess of shock and fear, because Hux takes one look at you and sighs.

“Perhaps a rest in your quarters might be more beneficial than working out at the moment.”

You nod once, and he walks from the room after Ren.

He pauses at the door though, as you begin to unwrap your knuckles, and you wonder for a moment if he’s upset with you.

“Y/N… my quarters are open if resting there might bring you more comfort.”

You’re too stunned to say anything as he leaves, and you find yourself confused as you make your way into your quarters to use the ‘fresher. What did he mean by that? Is he really giving you permission to take a nap in his quarters?

You’re sure it will end in sex anyway, but you’re still thrilled by the idea of sleeping in his bed.

You shower and dry off quickly, changing into something more comfortable before you head to Hux’s room. You throw on his shirt, hoping he’s as into you wearing his clothes as you are. You aren’t going too casual though- you throw on some gorgeous lacy underwear and a matching bra- ones that Hux has never seen, as you tend to go more for comfort during your long work days.

It’s silly- you aren’t even sure if he’ll come in, but you want to impress him when he does.

You climb into his bed, and you instantly relax into the pillows. His bed is comfortable in a way that yours isn’t- he clearly has spent a good deal of credits on the non-regulation sheets and pillows. You fall asleep in the luxurious bed quickly, inhaling his scent and enjoying your moments of relaxation.


	8. Chapter Eight

 

* * *

 

 

_You climb into his bed, and you instantly relax into the pillows. His bed is comfortable in a way that yours isn’t- he clearly has spent a good deal of credits on the non-regulation sheets and pillows. You fall asleep in the luxurious bed quickly, inhaling his scent and enjoying your moments of relaxation._

 

* * *

 

“You never fail to impress me, kitten,” a voice whispers in your ear.

As you come to, you realize the blankets have drifted down and the shirt has drifted up. You’re laying half on your stomach and half on your side, and the General is tracing his hands down your spine, his teeth dangerously close to your ear.

You arch your back against him out of habit, inexplicably turned on by only his voice waking you up. He grins, and you feel his teeth nip at your neck. You let out a quiet whine, and he bites a little harder.

You gasp, and you finally open your eyes. The room is dark, in the way the lights of the Finalizer dim at night to maintain some semblance of a night and day cycle in the void of space. You have no idea how long you must have slept- it is surely dinner time if the lights are already dimmed.

You dully remember that you made plans to eat with Jade, but then Hux’s fingers drift further downward, and you forget your worries with a low gasp.

“Hmm, happy to see me, pet?” he purrs, fingers sliding past your panties and lazily stroking your pussy.

“Yes, sir,” you breathe, the barest hint of whine creeping into your voice. You still haven’t come since Hux denied you, and your body is reacting in kind to his touches.

“You must be very sorry for your stunt yesterday…” he says, fingers leaving your pussy to drift up and stroke the lace of your panties. “You look divine.”

The praise sends a jolt through you- being praised by the general just _does_ something to you, and you let out a little whimper.

“Thank you, sir. I’m sorry,” you say, half-begging.

“I know, kitten. I know you’re sorry,” he says gently, turning you so you’re face up on the bed. “I’m going to reward you- don’t think I didn’t notice that you still came into work this morning.”

Your face heats up.

“I’m sorry, Sir, I-“

“No apologies. I am consistently impressed by you.”

He presses his lips to your neck, then slowly slides them down until he’s kissing the apex between your breasts. His hand drifts down between your thighs again, and you have to resist thrusting your hips to meet his fingers.

“Every time I forget how amazing you are, you just,” he curls his fingers inside you, and you cry out as he hits you _just right_. “…You just, you stun me again. You constantly keep me in awe of you. And you’re _mine_.”

The word never fails to arouse you, and you arch your back against his lips.

He continues fingerfucking you as he whispers praise against your breasts, biting and kissing in between words.

“You are mine. You are the most beautiful woman in this blasted Order, and the most intelligent. You are so incredibly fucking _gorgeous_ and you are _mine._ ”

You cry out as he hits your G-spot again, and your body coils tightly.

“Sir, I-“

“Come for me,” he says. “I’m going to undo you tonight.”

His fingers curl once more, and you bury your head in his neck to keep from yelling out.

“Yes, kitten,” he praises, hungrily, and you can tell that he’s going to keep going.

He moves his fingers, as you shudder through the final waves of your orgasm.

Your body relaxes, only for his fingers to drag your panties from your hips and his mouth to begin working your clit.

You whimper, and you test his tolerance by reaching for his hair. You’re surprised when he lets you, and the little privilege he’s allowed you sends another jolt of arousal through you’re already sensitive pussy.

“Sir,” you whine. “I can’t… I need-“

The words you whimper don’t make any sense, and he lavishes your clit softly.

“Hush, kitten. Let me make you feel good.”

He does. He works you up and down, edging you and making you come until you don’t even know your own name.

You’re spent and exhausted by the time he’s done, and you’re staring dazedly at the ceiling from the intensity.

You still haven’t moved as he moves to the fresher for a washcloth, and you whine numbly as he cleans you and whispers kindly to.

“Hush, pet. Tell me what you need.”

You can’t speak- you’re embarrassed by your complete and utter submission and surrender, and you’re still in shock of the experience you just had, so you merely bury your face in the pillows and try to breathe.

“Kitten,” he says gently, tugging you by your hips to his body. You’re nude, and he’s warm, but he’s still wearing his uniform undershirt and pants and stays above the comforter as he holds you. You can’t help but long for more- you want his naked body beside yours while you come back down from the clouds, and it sends your brain into another whirlwind of dazed confusion.

How can he make you feel so good and so bad?

“What do you need?” he asks again, gently, and you’re sorely tempted to tell him that you want him to be naked with you, and sleep with you, but you remind yourself of the agreement you made when you began this; you _both_ agreed to keep this non-romantic. He doesn’t owe you a relationship, and if you want one that badly you should break it off.

You don’t, though, because the idea of stopping this makes you shiver with regret. He pulls you tighter and wraps another blanket around your spent body.

“I just… I’m- I can’t…” you can’t find the words to express your feeling, and he runs a hand through your hair.

“I know. You’re coming down from subspace, pet. It’s okay. Take your time. I’m here.”

He pets you gently, holding you as you digest what just happened.

“That was weird,” you say, embarrassed once you’ve come back down to yourself.

Hux laughs at you, and he kisses you on the top of the head.

“It’s perfectly normal, kitten. Did you enjoy it?”

You laugh now, and look back at him.

“Do I look like I enjoyed it?”

You know your hair must be a mess, and your naked body is flushed from the experience and the warmth. He grins at you, and it’s a rare sight that gives you butterflies against your will.

“You look well fucked,” he says, looking at you with a predatory grin, and you shriek with laughter and slide out of bed.

“Oh, no you don’t! I actually have to work tomorrow! I should be in bed!”

You laugh as you reach for your panties, stepping into them as the General comes up behind you, hands resting on your hips as you bend over to get your bra and his shirt. When you stand, his lips start on your neck, and you giggle while you try to put your bra on.

“No! You’ve had enough, sir,” you tease, and he bites at your neck.

“I will _never_ get enough of you.”

The words send a thrill through you, but your body is still sensitive and exhausted so you step away from him and put his shirt back on over your bra. You turn to tell him goodnight, but he grabs you again, tugging you to him and kissing you hungrily.

“General…” you whine, arguing, and he chuckles darkly in your ear.

“I know, pet. You’re just… _irresistible_ in my shirt.”

Your face flushes, and you smile at him.

“Well, I’m glad.”

You grin at him slyly and dart from the room, giggling. You know he won’t chase you, and you dart into your quarters unseen.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is so long! I thought about splitting it up but decided against it. Hope you like it!

* * *

 

_You grin at him slyly and dart from the room, giggling. You know he won’t chase you, and you dart into your quarters unseen._

* * *

Work the next day is busy, as you expected from the day after you took a break. You barely have time to check your messages, but when you do your stomach drops at a message from Jade.

_So, where were you yesterday? You weren’t at dinner or the gym after, and when Mitaka and I went to find you you weren’t in your room. What gives???_

You don’t have time to come up with a creative excuse, so you send a lame apology and promise a rain-check. You don’t specify a date or time, though, because the amount of work that has piled up, even despite your half day of work the previous morning, is ridiculous.

The amount of work has made the General grouchy, and he snaps at you at various times throughout the day. You take it like a good assistant, not talking back, but it’s starting to grate on you. You’re working just as furiously as he is, but you’re also taking verbal beatings from him in addition to the work.

“Lieutenant! Where are those reports from the Captains?”

“I’m almost finished, sir, I just have to-“

“If you spent less time fooling around and more time working, you might have been done.”

You grit your teeth. You know he’s being a dick because he’s frustrated, but you have to bite your tongue to resist the urge to argue.

“Is there something _wrong_ , Lieutenant?”

You know he’s baiting you, as he’s stopped working in favor of glaring at you.

“No, sir,” you spit, a little more forcefully than you meant it to sound.

You can feel his anger building, and he stands and walks over to you. You don’t stop what you’re doing, choosing instead to ignore him.

“Lieutenant-“

“Sir, I am _trying_ to get my work done, so I can leave this office and do just about anything else. I would rather not take a break from working to be your personal punching bag, _once again_.”

You can feel the anger rolling off of him in waves, but you still refuse to look up from your work. You can only hope that he’ll calm down as he works.

You should regret mouthing off- it’s grounds for an official reprimand, and you know that it could slow your promotions. You’re ashamed to admit that your impulse to mouth off stems from your hope that your private relationship with him will protect you.

The realization that you just used it to your advantage makes you angrier. You aren’t that girl- you _hate_ girls that use their sexuality to get perks on the job, and you promised yourself that you would never do that with this relationship.

You stew in your anger throughout the workday, and when you finish at 1900 you don’t even look at Hux as you stride from the room.

He had calmed down throughout the day, but you can’t help your anger at yourself. You know that Hux won’t think any less of you for mouthing off, but you have half a mind to ask him to formally reprimand you.

The possibility of a reprimand isn’t appealing either, though, and you find yourself once again in the gym. You pound it out on the treadmill, running as fast as you dare to push yourself. You want to run out your aggression, but it isn’t helping.

“Y/N?” a voice asks, and you slow the treadmill to a walk as Jade makes her way over and you start your cooldown.

“What’s gotten into you? You disappear and now you’re in the gym at 2100?” You hadn’t realized it had been that long- you’ve been running for over an hour.

“It’s been a really stressful week,” you admit, wiping sweat from your brow with a towel you hung over the edge of the machine.

“Tell me about it,” she agrees, chuckling. “I’ve been getting my ass kicked all week. Where were you yesterday, by the way? I was looking forward to beating you up.

You roll your eyes.

“I ended up working,” you say, which is not necessarily a lie. “And then I fell asleep. I think my body is finally rebelling against my work ethic.”

She laughs as you finally step off the machine.

“Does that mean you’re too tired for sparring?”

She’s got a playful grin on her face, and you can’t help but follow her into the combat rooms. Jade has that kind of personality- she pushes you, but always in the direction you want to go.

You mostly listen to her talk as you spar- dodging her punches and kicks as you listen to her complain about the men in her department. She’s up for promotion, and she knows that the men she works with are pissed off about it. She describes their passive aggression, and you complain with her. You can only imagine how awful it must be.

“I talked back to Hux today,” you offer as your own complaint about a coworker. “And, I’m fairly certain that I’m going to arrive to a formal reprimand on my desk tomorrow.”

You dodge a kick and land a hard punch to her shoulder- she retaliates by punching you hard in your side.

“Which, it’s totally fine, because he was being a dick and I totally don’t regret what I said.”

Jade laughs, and you take a hard kick to the thigh.

“That’s why I like you, Y/N. You stick to your guns, you know? I think that’s why Hux likes you.”

You snort, blocking her from punching you hard in the face. You really don’t want a repeat of your black eye.

“I don’t think he likes me, Jade.”

“Oh stop,” she says, blocking your kick like she knew it was coming. “He totally does. You’re the only person who he could actually tolerate having around so long- he’s had like eighteen different candidates who never worked out. Alluria was one.”

You don’t let your shock give you a black eye, and you manage to block her kick as you ask.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah!” she says, laughing. “Why do you think she hates you so much? She was up for a promotion before she took the position- when he fired her like four hours later they removed her from the running for the promotion.”

You’re quiet for a minute as you digest the information, trying to punch Jade in the face and not being at all surprised when she grabs your wrist and twists you to the ground.

“Yeah, no one told you because we didn’t want you to be scared since you just took the position and all.”

You snort with laughter, trying desperately to not let Jade pin you.

“That’s such bullshit! He tolerates me because I _don’t_ mouth off.”

Your wrestling turns playful and you both end up dissolving into laughter. You let Jade pin you, and then you both lay on the floor laughing and attempting to collect yourselves.

“No, but tell me the truth- are you fucking Hux?”

Your mouth drops open and you shriek with laughter. “What drugs have you been trying since we haven’t been sparring?” you giggle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just curious! I mean, you talk about how great you think he is and he’s kept you around longer than anyone else.”

“I told you, Jade. He tolerates me because I’m good at my job and I don’t talk back to him. Is that a common rumor though?”

You’re starting to get worried. You don’t want people to be suspicious, and a knot settles in the pit of your stomach.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to anyone about it, because I didn’t figure it was true. I’ve only heard Alluria running her mouth about it, but very few people take her seriously.”

“I’d hope so,” you say, standing up and stretching. “The woman’s got the credibility of a Bantha.”

You help Jade up, and you ask if she’s eaten.

“Hours ago. Have you still not eaten?”

You shrug. “I got out of work late, and I came here almost right after. Work was such a nightmare that it didn’t even occur to me to eat.”

She shakes her head.

“You need to take better care of yourself, Y/N.”

You nod. “I know. I usually do, now that I’m settled in. It’s just days like today that I forget sometimes, you know? And I ate lunch and breakfast, so it’s not like I’ve been without food.”

Jade still walks with you to the canteen, and you’re disappointed when you see Alluria. She doesn’t acknowledge you, and you’re thankful for that, but you can’t help but feel on edge as you eat your very late dinner.

“I hate being in the same room as her,” you say quietly to Jade, who laughs at you.

“Everyone feels the same way. Except maybe Mitaka, because he’s had the hots for her since we graduated the academy together.”

“Wait, you guys graduated together?”

She nods. “Yep! All three. That’s really the only reason she still hangs around us- it’s convenient, since she’s known us for so long.”

You nod, thoughtfully.

“Huh. That explains a lot.”

She giggles, and you joke about the academy. You didn’t mind the academy, even though it meant time away from your sister. You get a pang in your chest when you talk about her, and Jade asks about her.

“How does she feel about you working here?”

You shake your head, sadly. “She hates it. She and my parents aren’t huge fans of the Order- my parents still talk about the devastation of the war, and they aren’t totally stoked about the unrest happening now. I wish they’d just understand that we’re doing what we can to create peace, you know?”

Jade nods, thoughtfully.

“That must be really hard for you, being away from them when they aren’t supportive.”

You nod. “It’s not exactly fun, but I know that they love me and they’re just proud that I’m doing something I take pride in.”

The conversation gets a little lighter after that, but you still end up deep in your thoughts as you make your way to your quarters.

You know that your family aren’t exactly supportive, and it does hurt your heart to think of the way your sister hates the First Order. Sometimes you can understand where she comes from; war is hard, and the First Order are bringing war to the Republic.

It’s all for a good cause, though. The galaxy needs balance, and the Republic is so tied up in politics and money that it has lost sight of the things that really matter. The First Order might use force that you feel is inappropriate sometimes, but you know that their final motive is noble. You truly believe that the First Order can bring peace to the galaxy, and you want your sister to experience that.

You barely notice Hux standing outside your quarters, and it doesn’t connect in your mind that he’s waiting for you until he follows you into your quarters and wraps his arms around your waist.

You shake your head.

“Not tonight, Sir,” you say quietly, and he unwraps his arms from you to take a look at you. You must look a mess- you still haven’t showered from your workout and you know your face is tense with worry. Besides, you’re still upset about how the workday went, and Hux’s presence only reminds you of how angry and disappointed you are in yourself.

“Lieutenant…” you don’t meet his eyes, and you really just want him to leave. You’re working yourself up, and you have to look at the ceiling to prevent yourself from crying.

“Please, just go, sir,” you whimper, but he doesn’t move.

“What is wrong, pet?” he asks, reaching for you. You let him guide you to the couch, and you try to take deep breaths. You don’t want to cry in front of him.

“I just… today was awful, and I deserve a formal reprimand for the way that I spoke to you. And then I talked to Jade, and she asked me if we were sleeping together, and of course I said no. But then she told me about how Alluria- Lieutenant Kroan- has apparently been telling people that she thinks we’re having sex because there was no other way I’d be able to keep my job otherwise, and I’m sort of scared that it’s true.”

You’re crying now, and you can’t even bring yourself to tell the General about your feelings regarding your family. It’s inappropriate that you’re crying in front of him about this right now anyway, but he tugs you against his chest and you tuck your head against his neck.

“Your words weren’t untrue- I was acting out unprofessionally; you don’t deserve a reprimand for defending yourself against a superior who was acting unfairly. Your job has nothing to do with our private sexual relationship- your continued work for me is based upon your merit and _not_ on what you and I do after work hours. I respect your ability as a competent Lieutenant, and I trust that you respect yourself on the same level. I apologize for putting you in such a position, and I apologize for taking my frustrations out on you.”

He takes a deep breath.

“As for Lieutenant Kroan, the best course of action would most likely be to ignore her. From what I can tell, she doesn’t hold too much reliability among other Lieutenants, and her outbursts will most likely change to some other topic as she needs more attention.”

“Why did you fire her?” you blurt, and you can feel him tense.

“How do you know about her short tenure in your position?”

“Jade explained it to me,” you admit. “She said it was why Alluria hates me so much- she’s jealous that I have kept the position that she couldn’t.”

“I’m afraid it might be a little bit more deep than that,” he says tiredly. “Lieutenant Kroan was a good candidate for the position; despite her gossipy nature, she is a competent employee and graduated well toward the top of her class at the academy. However, her personal behaviors tend to outweigh her qualifications.”

You sit back and look at Hux, though he won’t meet your eyes.

“Elaborate, please.”

He’s quiet for a minute before he sighs and runs a hand across his face.

“Lieutenant Kroan attempted to _seduce_ me to influence her position.”

You recoil as if you’ve been slapped. She’s gorgeous, and he surely slept with her before firing her. Hux must sense your immediate horror, and he shakes his head.

“I did _not_ indulge,” he defends. “It was merely an uncomfortable situation. She was formally reprimanded, and I recommended that her graduation rank at the Academy be investigated. It’s slow going- reports are still being conducted and filed.”

You sit in silent shock for a moment. It explains a lot about her hatred of you- not only was she fired, she was also officially investigated.

“So, you think she slept with instructors at the academy to graduate?”

He considers how to answer for a moment.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure. I can’t speak officially about it, but I think she most likely used her behavior to her advantage.”

Your mind is swimming. You’re disgusted, but you’re also not entirely sure that you’re any better than she is. You worry your lip with your teeth.

“How am I any better than she is?” you ask, looking up at him.

He tugs you close to him again.

“You’re actually good at your job, kitten. You know what you’re doing and you would still have this position had I not initiated this. It was me who initiation this, remember? If anything, I would be reprimanded for initiating an inappropriate relationship with a direct inferior- you could get me in a great deal of trouble if you wanted to,” he observes, though he doesn’t seem worried.

“I’ve never thought of it that way,” you tease, mischievously. He smirks at the look in your eyes.

“Oh? You should still remember that I am very _powerful,_ ” he says, and he leans toward you. You lock eyes with him, and his lips meet yours in a fevered clash.

He presses you into the cushions of the couch, and your hands grab at him. You want him more now that you know the story- it’s some primal, petty instinct to display your power. You know that Alluria will never know, but you get off on knowing that you’re better than her at your job _and_ at fucking the General.

You push Hux away, standing up and pulling your shirt off over your head as you walk toward the bedroom.

You look slyly at him as he watches you undress. You can’t help your smirk as he watches you intensely. You put on a little show, bending seductively at the hips as you pull your leggings down your legs. You give him a perfect view of your backside, and when you stand upright you pull your hair out of its ponytail and let it cascade down your shoulders.

You can hear him growl as he stands from the couch and strides toward you, gripping you by the hips and practically throwing you onto the bed. He’s on you immediately, teeth biting at your neck as he undoes your sports bra and tosses it away. His lips move to your breasts, and you whimper as he bites on your already erect nipples.

“Please,” you beg, carding your fingers through his hair.

He grins at you, hands drifting down to pull your panties away.

“It turns you on, doesn’t it, pet? Knowing that I could have had her but chose you. You’re turned on by the fact that you’re better than her- that you’re the only one good enough for me.”

“Yes,” you gasp, as his fingers plunge into your wet pussy. “Yes, please, sir!”

He knows exactly what to do to make you come undone, and when he finally indulges you with his cock you’re a stuttering, moaning mess.

“Yes, sir. Yes! Fuck me like you would _never_ fuck her,” you moan in his ear, and he growls back as he pounds into you. His hands are tight on your hips, and you’re sure that you’ll have bruises in the morning. The thought makes your pussy clench on his cock- you want him to mark you.

“Mark me,” you beg. “I want to know that I’m yours.”

He indulges you immediately, biting down hard on your collarbone and sucking a bruise over the bite. You gasp, and the feeling brings you over the edge. Your pussy clenches on his cock, and you throw your head back as you come.

“Fuck, kitten,” he grunts, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he rides out his orgasm.

“Fuck,” he says, breathlessly, lying beside you and looking over your body. You have a budding bruise on your hip, and the mark on your collarbone is turning a gorgeous shade of black and purple. You can’t help but grin as you admire the mark, and he chuckles darkly at you.

“You’re amazing,” he says, and you shake your head.

“Don’t argue, kitten,” he says, leaning over to press a kiss to the bruise. “You are the most remarkable woman in the universe.”


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around so far! You're all amazing!

_“Don’t argue, kitten,” he says, leaning over to press a kiss to the bruise. “You are the most remarkable woman in the universe.”_

* * *

Work the next day is significantly better, and you feel much better than you have. You’re still embarrassed about how you acted, but Hux’s affirmation of your talent is comforting. It’s good to know that you really are good at your job, and it makes you get your work done well.

You’ve made plans for yourself to relax tonight, and you bought some really expensive bubble bath to use. You rarely take baths, because you rarely relax, but you’ve been having a really tumultuous time and you know that you deserve to take time to yourself and relax a little.

You get your work done really early, and the General doesn’t seem to be even a little surprised. He does, however, seem surprised when you leave eagerly.

“You seem happy to be leaving early,” he observes. “Can it be that you’re finally behaving like a regular Lieutenant?”

You know that he’s teasing you for your dedication, and you roll your eyes.

“I should think you wouldn’t tease me about my work ethic, sir. Doesn’t it benefit you when I’m dedicated to my work?”

He nods, but he’s smirking at you.

“If you say so, Lieutenant. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

You don’t miss the allusion in his voice, and you smile at the implications. It’s not often that you’ve got an entire afternoon to prepare and pamper yourself, and you know that time with Hux will be the cherry on top of a perfect afternoon.

You have to restrain yourself from skipping down the hallway.

You’re so distracted by your elation that you nearly run into Alluria. You dodge out of the way at the last minute, and she sneers at you.

“Figures, a talentless slut like you is out of work early on a day like today.”

There’s an extra edge in her voice, and she’s never been so outwardly rude to you, so you’re silently stunned for a moment.

“What?” you finally ask.

She lets out a humorless laugh.

“I’ve been demoted, you _bitch._ The _General_ finally got around to finishing the inquest into my Academy time, and they demoted me for doing the same shit you’re doing.”

Your eyes are wide.

“Alluria, I’m not sleeping with-“

“Oh, fucking save it,” she seethes. “You think I can’t see the way you look at each other? Everyone on this damn ship can tell you’re sleeping together- the sexual tension on the bridge is absurd.”

You shake your head. There’s no way you’ll admit to it, especially in front of Alluria.

“You’re just jealous,” you say, before you can stop yourself. “You’re jealous that I don’t have to fuck my superiors to keep my job-“

She cuts you off with a slap across the face and you stumble backward in shock, hand holding your cheek.

The rage in the air is palpable, and you think for a minute that she might kill you. She steps forward and locks a hand around your throat.

“You’ll get what’s coming to you,” she hisses in your face.

With that, she turns and storms down the hall and out of sight.

You’re too stunned to follow her, and you slide down the wall to sit on the ground. There are no other people in the hallway, and you have to put your head between your knees to steady your breathing. You can feel a panic attack coming on, and you do everything you can to stave it off.

“Lieutenant Y/L/N?”

You can’t even bring yourself to look up at Mitaka, but you let him help you up.

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” you say, immediately. You need to talk to Hux before anyone else finds out about this, and you know that Mitaka is concerned about your denial, but you hug him once.

“I’m fine, Dopheld. I promise. I’ll fill you in later, okay?”

You’re still shaking, but you still let go of him and hurry to Hux’s office, spa day all but forgotten. You need to get this under control.

You walk into the office without announcing yourself, and Hux looks up with annoyance, ready to yell at whoever had the gall to just enter without permission. When he sees the look on your face, though, he stands from his desk and takes your face in his hands.

“Y/N?”

You’re shaking like a leaf, and the hyperventilation starts to come back.

“Alluria- she…. She knows about us and she ran into me in the hallway and she said that everyone knows about us. She hates me- and she hates you and she’s going to ruin everything,” you gasp around your rushed breathes. Hux tugs you toward his chair and sits you down. You numbly think that it’s weird to be on this side of the room, facing your own desk, but Hux finally forces you to look him in the eyes.

“Y/N, you need to breathe,” he encourages, and you rest your head in your hands while you focus on calming down.

“She’s going to do something,” you acknowledge when your breathing has slowed.

“She is without power. She can do nothing,” Hux responds, and you shake your head.

“You didn’t see the look in her eyes. She _hit_ me, sir. I’ve never seen someone with so much anger- she looked like she hated me. I thought she was going to kill me for a minute,” you admit.

Hux narrows his eyes, and you can see the calculated rage in them. He’s not one to let you get hurt, and you’re thankful for it but also worried.

“You can’t do anything,” you blurt, reaching out to grab his arms. “Please!”

“She needs to be dealt with, Lieutenant. I will not have her being a nuisance any longer.”

“No,” you say, trying not to dissolve into hysterics. “You can’t. She’s upset right now because of the inquiry- if you do anything else I think she’ll kill me,” you gasp.

Hux takes your face in his hands and looks you in the eyes.

“I will not let her hurt you, Y/N. You’re mine.”

You can see the predatory fire in his eyes, and you take comfort. He’s a powerful man- with him in your corner, no scorned former-Lieutenant is going to do anything to you.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I wanted to thank all of you for reading so far. You are all amazing!  
> I also want to let y'all know that this was originally the last chapter. Then, I reread it and didn't like the way it felt, so there will be at least one more chapter. Thank you all for reading!

* * *

 

_Hux takes your face in his hands and looks you in the eyes._

_“I will not let her hurt you, Y/N. You’re mine.”_

_You can see the predatory fire in his eyes, and you take comfort. He’s a powerful man- with him in your corner, no scorned former-Lieutenant is going to do anything to you._

* * *

You’re awoken two days later by Jade.

“Y/N, honey, wake up.”

Her eyes are glassy and she looks seconds from bursting into tears. You glance at the clock- 0200. There’s a weird feeling in the air, as if something is deeply wrong. You wonder if you’re having a nightmare for a moment. Everything just feels _wrong,_ like the world has changed in some meaningful way.

“Jade, what’s going on?” you ask hoarsely as you sit up in bed. You feel strangely awake, and you can feel panic rising in your throat. Jade wouldn’t just wake you up for anything.

“It’s Lothal. I- they sent out a formal notice and I read it because I was up and I just- I had to tell you.”

You shake your head, not comprehending what she’s getting at.

“What?”

She thrusts your datapad at you, and it takes you a few seconds to actually comprehend the words of the notice that’s been send out as a mass message.

_The First Order has conducted another successful raid at the former base on Lothal._

The rest of the notice details how there were apparently Resistance spies on the planet, and how the First Order’s competent generals and members of the Knights of Ren have successfully snuffed any flames of resistance on the formerly Rebel-held planet.  

You start to panic as you become more awake.

“Wait, this is where my family lives. How did this even happen? I worked at the base on Lothal before we came here- there weren’t even whispers of Resistance….”

Jade shakes her head.

“I don’t know. Apparently, no one here knew- not even combat departments. They’re not letting communications through, even from family. It seems like the Knights of Ren were off on their own- I’ve heard Hux is furious.”

When she mentions Hux, your heart freezes in your chest.

_“You’ll get what’s coming to you.”_

“Oh my god,” you say out loud.

“What?”

“I- I’ve been lying. The General and I _have_ been sleeping together- not for my job or whatever, and he instigated it, but that’s not the point,” you say, looking at Jade’s shocked face.

“The point is that Alluria found out somehow- maybe it was just a lucky guess, or maybe we have been that obvious. But two days ago, I ran into her in the hallway and she threatened me. Hux had her under official inquiry-“

Jade gasps. “I heard that she got demoted. I just never thought…”

You nod.

“She’s mad because I’m doing what she got demoted for trying to do. Now, I have no idea how she would get the Knights of Ren to get involved, but I have an awful feeling about this. There’s no way it’s a coincidence that she threatened me and two days later the place my family lives is “raided”.”

Your hands are shaking, and Jade throws her arms around you.

“We’ll figure this out,” she says, and you hope it’s true.

It feels so good to finally have told her about your relationship with Hux, and she spends the rest of the night in your quarters talking with you about him.

It’s a catharsis- you finally get to reveal your insecurities, and the secrets you’ve been keeping.

You cry a little, and you laugh a lot, and you aren’t even mad at yourself when Hux sends for you in the early morning. You’ve gotten no sleep, but you still feel rejuvenated when you slip your uniform on and give a farewell hug to Jade. She promises not to tell anyone what you told her, and she thanks you for finally telling her.

You’re in the hallway when you see guards escorting a woman down the hall. For a minute, you wonder if she’s from Lothal and your heart clenches in your chest. Then, you realize she’s oddly dressed and babbling.

“….The First Order? Oh shit. Oh, shit you guys are First Order troops-“

“-Lieutenant,” Hux says, before you can wonder more deeply at the woman being dragged down the hallway.

You walk into the office with him, suddenly nervous.

“I heard about the attack on Lothal, sir. What is going on? That’s where my parents are from-“

Hux holds his hands out to calm you down. He looks exhausted, and you wonder if he was up all night dealing with the Knights of Ren.

“I don’t know,” he says, and his voice displays just how tired he is. His voice is low and quiet, and your heartbeat picks up in your chest. You aren’t used to seeing him so tired- he rarely sleeps a full night so you had sort of just assumed he needed much less sleep to function than a regular person.

You look at him meaningfully.

“Is this what Alluria meant when she said I would get what’s coming to me?”

You try to keep your voice steady but it breaks halfway through. Hux runs a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence, but I still haven’t managed to speak to Ren. He’s been off wreaking havoc.”

You nod, swallowing thickly against the tide of panic.

“What do I do?”

He shakes his head.

“Work, take the day off, I don’t know. I’m going to be running around the base all day trying to clean up this mess. The base on Lothal was an important one and it seems it’s been burned to the ground. Ren was an absolute idiot in doing this- even I can’t predict the consequences. I’ll have to speak with leader Snoke.”

You nod, as he rubs his forehead. You feel absolutely helpless.

“I’m going to try to get in contact with my family,” you say, resolutely, as if it means everything will be okay.

Everything has to be okay.

The general nods distractedly, and you throw your arms around him.

He hugs you back, and you feel like the world is starting to crumble around you. Maybe all of this was a mistake- you weren’t prepared for consequences like this.

You just hope that Hux really can protect you.


	12. Chapter Twelve

* * *

 

 

_You just hope that Hux really can protect you._

 

 

* * *

 

You have spent the last day trying to get in contact with your family, and your mood has plummeted as you can’t get in contact with anyone. You haven’t eaten, and you haven’t slept. You aren’t even really sure what time it is.

You haven’t spoken to Hux or Jade, or even Mitaka. You aren’t sure what you would say if you did- you know that the rest of the base is going on with life. No one will care nearly as much as you do.

You finally hit your breakthrough when you get in contact with an old friend you had before you went to the academy. You haven’t spoken to her in years, but you hope she can tell you something.

“Nabrina,” you sigh into the comms. “Are you okay? I haven’t been able to get in touch with anyone.”

“Everything is not well here, Y/N,” she says, weakly. “There are so many missing- the entire planet has been burned. The list of missing and dead is too long.”

Your eyes start to water.

“I’m so sorry I’m not there. I’m so sorry that this was the First Order- I had no idea any of this would happen.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. The Knights of Ren are bloodthirsty.”

“Have you heard anything from my family?” you finally blurt, not knowing if you want to know the answer or not.

“I’m sorry, but no. I know that the farm was completely leveled, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t safe. I’ve been keeping an eye out for anyone that I know, but it’s chaotic here. Relief efforts are here, but everyone is scrambled around.”

“Please stay safe,” you urge. “I’m glad to hear from you.”

“I’ll keep looking out for your parents. It was good to hear from you- it’s good to know that life is still going on.”

You say goodbye to Nabrina, feeling numb. You know that no news can be good news, but the longer you go without word from your family the greater chance there is that they’re dead.

Your brain feels like it’s malfunctioning. You feel entirely alone, like you’re floating through space without a lifeline. The worry is debilitating.

You know that you should eat, so you stand weakly and go to the cantina. Jade and Mitaka are there, and Jade stands to greet you. She hugs you tightly, and you’re too numb to hug her back.

“Go sit down,” she urges. “I’ll grab you something to eat.”

You sit with Mitaka, and the pity on his face makes you nauseous. You can’t force yourself to speak; your brain won’t let you do it.

When Jade comes back she sets food in front of you and keeps her hand on your back as you eat, like she’s afraid you’ll break apart into little pieces if she doesn’t hold you together.

You’re honestly a little afraid of the same thing.

The food helps a little bit, and you can feel yourself gaining a little energy as you eat.

You’re almost ready to talk when Alluria walks in, tossing her hair and talking to some Captain next to her. You see red- your body acts on its own as you launch yourself up from the table and at her.

You land a solid punch on her face, and she tumbles backward. You lunge again, but Mitaka’s arms grab you around the waist and pull you back.

“You fucking murdering bitch!” you scream, lunging toward her again. Mitaka holds you though, and tugs you from the room. Jade looks scary enough that Alluria doesn’t try anything, but Mitaka still doesn’t let you go as he drags you toward your quarters.

“Let me go, Mitaka! Let go of me!” you say, struggling in his arms.

“You can probably let her go,” Jade says, as you get closer to your quarters.

When MItaka lets you go you round on him, and you are about to start in on him when Hux comes up behind you and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“Lieutenant Y/L/N.”

You turn around, and he nods to Jade and Mitaka.

“I think I can take it from here.”

Jade is grinning, and she tugs a confused Mitaka away.

When they’re gone, Hux tugs you into his quarters instead of yours.

“What happened, Y/N?”

“She was there- she- I-“

He sighs and rubs his hand across his face.

“You need to keep it together, Y/N. I have enough to worry about with Ren and this whole mess, I don’t have time to worry about you.”

It feels like you’ve been slapped. Your mind can’t even come up with a clever response.

“I’m sorry to inconvenience you,” you say, shocked.

He looks annoyed.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

You shake your head.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant. I apologize for hitting the woman who probably had my family killed. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

You turn on your heel and stride from the room, and he doesn’t even bother to come after you. You don’t even have it in you to be surprised. You agreed to no romantic attachments- you shouldn’t have let yourself feel like he cared about you.

You start to strip your uniform off to get into bed when your datapad alerts that you have a notification. It’s another bulletin about Lothal.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you click on it and read the title.

 

A list of confirmed dead.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read this! I am humbled by every like and comment, and every time someone says they enjoy it. I truly love writing, and while I do it as a release and a catharsis for me, it’s amazing to be able to entertain other people with my hobby.
> 
> You are all amazing!

* * *

 

 

_You start to strip your uniform off to get into bed when your datapad alerts that you have a notification. It’s another bulletin about Lothal._

_Your heart pounds in your chest as you click on it and read the title._

_A list of confirmed dead._

 

* * *

 

 

 Your heart pounds in your ears as you read the names.

__Y/L/N, Y/M/N_ _

__Y/L/N, Y/F/N_ _

Your parents.

You let out a sob, and the datapad falls from your hands.

This can’t be real. There is no way your parents are dead, and there is no way it’s a coincidence.

You can’t feel anything but white-hot pain. This is all your fault- it has to be. Your childish decision has brought about the deaths of both parents. If you had never pissed Alluria off, if you had never started sleeping with Hux… if you had never left Lothal this wouldn’t have happened.

Your sister’s name isn’t on the list, and the thought of where she is or what is happening to her debilitates you. They could have just missed her, or she could have been so badly hurt they couldn’t identify her, or- the possibilities are endless and each one hurts you in its own way.

You cry yourself to sleep, half aware of the world around you. This has to be a nightmare.

When you wake up in the morning, there’s a moment of half-lucidity where everything seems fine. Then, the world crashes down again and you remember the events of the night before- you fought with the General, you fought with Alluria, and your parents are dead.

You can barely move yourself from the bed, but you finally manage to get up weakly and get a glass of water.

You also lock your door and set it to ignore the unlock code. You don’t want to speak to anyone, and you know that the General and Jade know the code.

You especially don’t want to speak to the General.

You could have prevented this if you’d just kept your clothes on. You were foolish and naïve to think that you could somehow benefit from your relationship with Hux.

He said himself that he wanted nothing to do with you besides sex, and you should have listened. You should have thought about your own self-preservation. Hux is going to be emperor one day- who are you to think that you wouldn’t become collateral in his rise to the top?

A man that powerful has enemies, and you should have been bright enough not to get entangled in his affairs. You know that there’s no way there was Resistance on Lothal- the planet is quiet and beautiful, and you worked there for long enough to know. There was no Resistance.

You think about killing Alluria, because you have no doubt that this was orchestrated by her, but you know it wouldn’t help. Your parents are already dead, and nothing will change that.

The pain won’t stop, though. It makes it impossible to eat or sleep, and you find yourself staring into the distance in a painful trance for hours at a time.

You don’t get out of bed for three days, and you justify it by saying that you have yet to take a real day off during your tenure on the Finalizer. You don’t even bother to call in. Hux should know by now why you haven’t come in or checked your datapad messages.

He should understand that you’re in pain.

You can only imagine the pain your family must have felt, and you pray that your sister is still alive.

__Your parents are confirmed dead._ _

It hurts your heart, and every time you think the words to yourself you have to turn your head into your pillow and wail into the fabric so no one will hear you.

You know that Hux doesn’t care. He’s probably thankful that you didn’t come into work- if you aren’t around to be emotional he doesn’t have to handle you. You have no doubt that he’ll replace you soon enough, and you don’t think you’ll miss the job. It’s done nothing but hurt you.

And you do hurt.

You think about killing yourself, but you can’t even will your limbs to move you to the kitchen for a knife. You’re too frozen in your pain to even end it.

You think about the datapad message, and the unfeeling way the First Order regards the dead with. You recite the words to yourself in your mind, and you know you’re torturing yourself but you deserve it.

Your heart is freezing, a hunk of ice in your chest, and you can’t help the shaking sobs that permeate your body.

You have no doubt this whole affair has been used against you, and you can only imagine why.

Surely no one would consider that you made the general weak. For gods’ sake, all he did was sap your strength. He was never the worse for your relationship…

…And yet here you lay.

You wonder if the universe is punishing you for your misdeeds. It’s a worse punishment than even Hux could orchestrate. Surely the universe herself is trying to hurt you.

Your body feels shriveled, and you’re hungry, but you refuse to answer the door. You have no way of knowing if it’s Jade or Mitaka bringing food, or the General coming, so you ignore everyone.

“Y/N, this has gone on long enough!”

You realize it’s Hux talking through the door, and you walk toward it. You don’t open it- just stare at the door as if you could burn Hux through it.

“I’m sorry about your parents, Y/N. I’m sorry that I hurt you. You need to come out- you need help.”

__You need help._ _

The words sting at you- it’s as if he’s telling you there’s something wrong with you for being in pain over the deaths of your family members- a death that you no doubt caused.

You grit your teeth against the fresh wave of pain and shake your head.

He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t want to help you.

You cover your ears with your hands as he starts to knock again, and you run into your bedroom. You can still hear the metallic banging of the door.

“Y/N!”

A sob falls from your lips, and you cover your head with a pillow. You want him to go away. You don’t ever want to hear his voice again- you can’t stand the pain of it.

You sob yourself to sleep with a pillow over your head, body weak from pain and exhaustion.

 

* * *

 

 

You’re lying in bed this way, pillow wrapped around your head to block out the sound, when Hux finally gets a technician to override the lock on your door.

He sweeps into the room, pulling the pillow away and tugging you close to him.

“Y/N, please,” he begs, as you shove him away in shock.

“Go away!” you shriek, and he seems stunned by your reaction.

“You’ve done __nothing__ but make me hate myself since I came here!” you spit, angry in your half-awake state. “You made me __care__ about you! You’re just my boss- I was supposed to be afraid of you but you made me care about you!”

You scramble away from him in your sudden hysteria, climbing off the bed. Your legs are sore and unstable like a baby deer. You’ve walked so little since you received the news… you flinch at the though.

“You… You took so much from me, and you gave so little. And I thought that I could earn it all from you- that if I was just good enough, or well-behaved enough, or worked hard enough and made you __proud__ you’d want me in the way I wanted you. But you never would! And now my parents are DEAD!” you sob, and you jerk backward when he makes a move toward you.

“I just want to be loved!” you sob. “I want to be happy.”

You let out a shaky sob.

“I deserved more than this. I should have known better than to let myself become collateral damage- there was no way for me to come out on top! There was no way this would ever be worth the cost.”

You collapse onto the floor in exhaustion from yelling at him, sitting with your back against the wall, and he falls to the floor next to you.

“I love you,” he says quietly, and you shake your head.

“No you don’t!”

You’re ugly crying but you don’t even care that he’s seeing you like this. You want to die, and you want him to leave you alone. You never want to see him again.

“I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you. I wanted to hide it because I knew you would get hurt. I am a man of many enemies, Y/N. I didn’t ever want this to happen.”

You let out a strangled cry. He knew this would happen. He knew you’d get hurt and yet he still…. Your body shakes as his hands take yours. He’s lying. He wants to use you again.

“I love you. I love you and I will tell you every moment of every day if I have to,” he says, looking at you though you won’t meet his eyes.

“I love you and I worship you. You are my goddess- you are everything to me. You are the all-consuming star in my sky.”

He whispers love to you until you calm down, breathing finally slowing from hiccupped sobs to normal. You can’t help the overwhelming feeling of numbness.

“You can’t change what happened,” you say, woodenly. “My parents are still dead. You still treated me like you didn’t care about me. None of this would have happened if we didn’t do this together.”

He nods, quiet for a moment.

“I was foolish. I allowed myself to think that I could have the best of both worlds- I could keep you from harm as if you were just another assistant, but still have you to myself as a lover. I was selfish, and a fool, and I have hurt you.”

You nod. At least he sounds like he’s actually getting it.

“This is my fault,” he says, his voice breaking. “And if you want me to have you transferred somewhere else, or given a different position, tell me. Tell me what I can do to help you- but I can’t let you live like this. You’ve been locked in here without anyone- I spoke to Jade and she said-“

“You talked to Jade?” you question, surprised.

“Yes,” he admits. “I was afraid for you. You weren’t answering your door for me, and I needed to know if you were at least eating. I wouldn’t have broken in if I had known you were safe. But when she told me you weren’t allowing anyone in…. I was afraid.”

You are silent, digesting the information.

“I don’t want to be transferred,” you finally say, some strength returning to your voice. “I want to stay here- but I want resources to find my sister.”

If he really cares so much about you, and wants to give you everything, he’ll make it happen. And if he can’t you’ll leave.

The ultimatum hangs in the air, and he nods.

“I will make any resources you need available. I’m still working on compiling an official report of what happened, but it’s slow going. If you want, I can make you in charge of the effort. Your previous experience with Lothal will be an asset. That’s only if you want to- I understand it could be difficult to engage in the investigation,” he says, and you nod.

“I want to be involved. I- I need to be. I need to know what really happened and how I can fix it.”

The finality of the situation brings the first wave of relief you’ve felt in the entire situation. The pain is still raw from the news of your family, but you feel like you’re finally being pulled out of your ocean of grief. You’re moving in the right direction.

The relief allows you to finally realize the state your body is in, unfortunately.

“I feel horrible,” you say quietly, and Hux smiles sadly at you.

“Go shower. I’ll bring you food and we can eat in bed.”

Your stomach seems excited at the prospect, and you lean toward Hux to rest your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he presses a gentle kiss to your head.

You shower for a long time, washing away the grime of your tears and pain. You’re hunger finally pushes you out of the hot water, and you make your way to your bedroom to find Hux already there. He’s got food on a tray with him, and your mouth waters as you climb into bed. He sits next to you, on top of the covers, and eats with you.

You hate yourself, but you love him. As you eat with him, and he cleans up after you both, you realize that you don’t know what’s going to happen with your relationship- you can’t help but love him after everything that has happened.

Hux returns to you after cleaning up your meal, and for a moment you think he’s going to leave.

You’re surprised when he starts to undress, pulling his shirt over his head and sliding his trousers down his legs.

You marvel at him for a moment- he’s covered in scars. His entire chest and arms and back… covered.

He takes in your expression before climbing into the bed next to you.

“From my father,” he whispers, as you begin tracing them with your fingers.

“All of them?”

He nods, and you stare up at him. He isn’t looking at you, and you understand why he’s never undressed in front of you before; he’s ashamed.

You lean up and kiss him on the lips, gentle and understanding.

You’ve both felt pain.

“Don’t be ashamed,” you say quietly, and he finally meets your eyes. He’s displaying a vulnerability you would never have expected from him, but it doesn’t trouble you.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and you let out a humorless laugh. You rest your chin on his chest, looking up at him.

“Where do we go from here?” you ask, knowing that the answer is going to hurt. You can’t bring yourself to care, though. If he’s going to break your heart he might as well do it now.

“You’re mine,” he observes.

You shake your head.

“Not anymore. I can’t… I can’t keep sleeping with you,” you say, as your voice cracks. “I told you, I can’t- I just can’t handle it. Not after Alluria, and all of __this.__ ”

“That’s not what I mean,” he says, shaking his head. You watch his face as he tries to figure out the words.

“I mean that you’re mine, if you’ll have me. I wasn’t lying when I said I love you- I want you to be mine __completely.__ I want to protect you. I want to make sure that no one ever hurts you like this again.”

His voice gets quieter as he goes on.

“I know that this is my fault. I should not have let this go on so long- I should have been a better man. I should have defended you against the likes of Alluria, and I should have taken better care of you.”

You can’t meet his eyes anymore. He has to be lying.

“I love you, Y/N. Please, let me love you.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until he wipes the tears away, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“You don’t mean it,” you argue.

“I do,” he argues, “And I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes. I love you.”

You look into his eyes. It’s a risk, and you aren’t sure if you can take it. You think of your family, and what you’ve lost.

__“I love you too.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you!


End file.
